There are five stages to loss and grief. 1.Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression and 5.Acceptance

Everyone deals with death in many ways. Either it be in this exact same order, or an insane amount of emotional stimulation takes over and every inch of our pain spreads like wildfire.

When my best friend passed away this year, he was going to be twenty three. It was a selfish thought to have while his mother was crying on the other end of the phone telling me her little boy was never coming back. It feels like a distant memory of foolish thoughts that it was all a dream.

I didn’t cry when I got the news at the first and I thought it was strange. I thought I was broken inside and that this was the end of being a “good” person, but then she apologized to me. It was as if those were the right words to break the spell to my numb heart, because the overflow of tears didn’t stop. I was in a state of confusion. I was in a fiery rage. I was begging to whoever who heard my cries to take me instead. I didn’t want to live in this fucked up world without my best friend in it, and then I had two choices to make. I could end it all right here, right now. Or live on because I know that’s what he would have wanted.

Losing my best friend taught me a lot about life. It also taught me about myself, and I am grateful. I still reread his last text message he sent me days prior to his passing, and although I will never get that phone call like he promised. I still wait by the phone where our phone calls started and say thank you.